Random Ramblings – The Sequel

Good News, Everyone!Holidays, Hot Pockets and my nemesis: doorways.

Good news everyone! Since it seems many enjoyed the first part, I went back to sift through the years of facebook statuses that took place after the time frame of the first round of Random Ramblings and gathered those for anyone’s enjoyment. You can read part one here.

  • It would have been a heluva fail if Heluva Good dip wasn’t heluva awesome.
  • On Wipeout, if you have time to hold your nose before hitting the water then you’re not trying hard enough.
  • I think if we bribed all the terrorist organizations with Hot Pockets, the world would be a safer place.
  • I think a class on Boy Meets World needs to be implemented into every school… Four days a week you watch an episode and then discuss the importance of the themes and teachings of the episode after. You take a test on the 5th day about everything you have learned the previous 4 days and how you can apply it into your current lives.
  • Perhaps Twitter was only made so people could hit on celebrities and pretend they just didn’t see their tweets when in fact they are ignoring you, yet retain bragging rights.
  • Vanilla would be so much better if it had chocolate in it.
  • How can parents hate If their teens watch horror movies? It teaches if you don’t engage in less than thought out sex and listen to your parents you won’t die.
  • Science trumps the Force to create a real-life lightsaber
    One day I want to see mini lightsaber knives to cut my steak or cheese with. The day after that I want a bigger one to cut those who want to use them to cut others which results in their banning, ruining the fun for everyone.
  • Why is it almost every time I try to spread jelly or cheese on a cracker, it crumbles before me? Am I that intimidating or dreadful looking? They don’t make crackers like they used to…
  • Having spiders and them making webs in the unobserved corners of your house is an expected unspoken truce by them. You allow them to stay and they will capture all the other crawlies and flylies that dare to enter. Sometimes, they earn their keep!
  • Does anyone else constantly knock their arms into doorknobs or am I the only one with this assumingly rare condition? I’m going to have to name it after me if not. Like Jonknobitis (jonk would be silent) or something.
  • They should rename yard sticks in America to reacher sticks. Does anyone ever use them for anything other than getting stuff that fell under appliances in kitchens?
  • Mocking Birds: the dicks of avian society.
  • Why the hell can’t they ever wait for commercials to put alert information on channels?? Every. Damn. Time.
  • I’d imagine in the Star Wars world, telemarketers, debt collectors and Jehovah witnesses would hang out in Mos Eisley spaceport.
  • Red, Green & Blue are slutty hermaphrodites who gave birth to crazy incestrial children. These are facts.
  • Whenever I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about too many things, I imagine my mind being like that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indiana Jones tries to replace the artifact with another item, hoping to safely deactivate the trigger for the trap, only to then cause something else that’s worse that literally snowballs after you for awhile until you are just out of reach and far enough to be safe… like 2-3 hours later.
  • In case i’m ever in a situation where i’m being forced to say/do something to someone and i’m being watched where if I don’t do what they say they will do something drastic, I will let you know with the phrase “Man, I could really go for a cinnamon bun right now”. If you understand, reply with “You really love your cinnamon buns, don’t you?” and immediately call for help after. I’m prepared, how about you?
  • I’m spending Earth day by NOT mowing the lawn, like I originally intended today. Yea, thats the reason… not because i’m procrastinating. I’m just respecting the earth by not chopping it down one blade of a grass at a time. 😉
  • So if they can turn turkey into bacon, why haven’t they made beef, chicken or even duck bacon yet??
  • I propose a scratch n sniff ‘before/after” sticker on all bathroom air freshener sprays. There are 2 sides to the smell and more often then not when used after, it just blends together to create a new more intense stank cocktail. Things like ‘Clean Linen’ smells like skid marks on a fresh pair and ‘Hawaiian’ scent smells like rotten fruit (plus crap). GetRDoneMerica!
  • I propose a new torture method… make the person starve for a few days. Then, microwave a hot pocket in front of them and make them eat it within 30 seconds of it finishing cooking. If they don’t, they starve. Rinse and repeat… Either they tell you what they know, starve or be burned so bad they couldn’t even tell you if they wanted to. They will all crack eventually…
  • When everyone gains weight over the holidays at the same time, it’s not an obesity epidemic… it’s inflation.
  • (Thanksgiving) I’m thankful for toilets. They are a very underappreciated marvel of engineering that are often treated piss poor and take a lot of crap, as we continue our human tendency to watercolor and paint ‘stucco’ all things white. Let me be one (and probably only) to give them this moment (sometimes several more) to shine in all its porcelain glory… *flush*
  • Gotta wonder when you walk to the deli counter in a supermarket, and see “3 Star Ham” by a brand for sale… is it out of 4 stars? 5 stars? Either way apparently it’s good, but not that good… Way to market Kohler… that’s sure to stick it to Boar’s Head or Dietz & Watson…
  • I like to prey on those young little grapes you always find in each bunch… does that make me a carnivore, or rather a herbivore, or a pedophile…
  • One day doorways… I will overcome you. One day I’ll live free of doorknob arm bruises and molding shoulder scrapes. Today was NOT that day (definitely wasn’t yesterday either) but eventually… watch yourself, because regardless I’m coming through! 😛
  • Titanic 3D – Where you can feel the hypothermia and see the people falling off the ship to their deaths is happening RIGHT in front of you! :-/
  • I think McDonald’s and Apple should merge companies, that way they can be the undisputed champions of lazy successful marketing. Then you can eat at places like IMcDonalds, or use things like the McIphone. Or use your McIpad to order food for pickup with the new McIordercuzIMchungry APP. Catchy, right? Of course it is!
  • The only time buying condoms at a grocery store is not judged, is very late at night. Like when you just want to go in and buy something stupid that you’re craving like soda or snacks… if you leave it at that, people are gonna be like “he came in here at 11 just for THAT!? I’m working this late so people can have their late night fricken’ frito fix?!?“ It’s like you gotta throw condoms in there just to make them think ”ah, I made someone happy tonight by working these late hours“ so you don’t look stupid! ALL I WANT IS A DAMN MOUNTAIN DEW AT 11 AT NIGHT! DON’T JUDGE ME!!
  • Does the Trix rabbit have some kind of Sonny the Cuckoo “Cocoa Puffs” past that we dont know about that explains why he’s not allowed to eat his OWN cereal???
  • Sleeping bores me… However not enough to put me to sleep. Go figure 😛
  • Test: How many of you are reading this in the bathroom…?
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About Jon R.

Silly, serious & everything in between – that’s me in a nutshell. (Salty too… since I’m in a nutshell I might as well be suitably seasoned!) It’s apparent that I have a different way of thinking and seemingly have a talent for viewing things with a more independent perspective as well as an ability to perceive the objective nature of things more than most. Much like anyone else, I wish for the world to be more civilized and enjoyable for all. I’m full of ideas and love to improve things, and (un)fortunately the world has plenty wrong to offer. I’ve always been a problem solver and I love doing it. My endless ambition plus the urge to defend what’s right and bring reason has lead me to writing. With this I aspire to contribute some good to the world in order to help make it a better place. Regardless, all views are my opinion and not meant to offend anyone. While I seem to have the less popular point of view on things, I don’t represent any one side. I respect all sides and do my best to reflect on all fairly and within reason. I hope readers will find the content on this site interesting, and just maybe, will leave with a little more of an open mind.
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One Response to Random Ramblings – The Sequel

  1. dbthehype says:

    I love the air freshener idea, it’s so true! Which is why…I prefer matches, they kill the odor instantly. The Hot Pocket idea with terrorists is absolutely genius! Titanic 3D, I totally watched it and it was epic, lol. I really enjoy your ramblings, they kinda remind me of Jimmy Fallon’s Thank You Notes (which I can never get enough of).

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