Random Ramblings

PopcornWell before I started blogging, I unleashed my occasional ponderings on Facebook using the all too inviting “status update” feature. I seldom used it, as I felt no need to announce whatever I was currently doing. Still, it begged to be used. What I eventually did start using it for was all the silly things that came across my mind during every day life, apparently mostly triggered a lot by food (well, I do love food!) Things that shouldn’t come to mind but, to the very nature of this blog, came to mind to me. I thought it to be fun to candidly post these ramblings as my updates and it seems others at the time did too. About 4 years ago I collected all of these statuses that I could find (I definitely lost some) in the years prior to then and put them all in a facebook note for keeping. Now for some fun, I figured I would post my favorites here in (almost) all their unedited, shameless glory. [SPOILER: I hate saran wrap]

  • I’m going to invent a new type of plastic wrap… I swear, one day I will… DEATH TO SARAN WRAP! I’ll suffocate it with itself… CUZ THATS ALL IT STICKS TO!
  • How can something called “Sour Cream” taste so good…!?
  • Why can’t they make hot dog buns that are cut evenly? Why is there a rule to have 2/3 on one side, & a 1/3 on the other??? Why can’t it be split 50/50 for a nice EVEN easy to eat meal? Were the 2 guys who invented hot dog buns like one fat & one skinny? And when they discussed how they should cut it they argued until the fat guy apparently won & just ate the skinny… ahhhh forget it its just easier to call it stupid!
  • BJs.com… not a porn site. I would think the site would be BJsWholesale.com. However, Dicks.com… a porn site. DickSportingGoods.com is the real URL.
  • The 3 layers of popcorn: Outer Shell > Endosperm > Germ… Even though the words shell/sperm/germ are involved, somehow I still love it!!!
  • Did anyone ever think we wouldn’t need such “technologically advanced” paper towels if parents stop giving their little kids full open-lid jugs of juice and milk? Not to mention unsupervised. I watch these commercials and I just think… oh really Brawny? I’ll do you one better… POUR YOUR KIDS’ FRICKIN MILK AND JUICE FOR THEM PEOPLE!!!
  • Why do all the cheesy snack foods say “made with real cheese” on the bags…? As opposed to fake cheese? Was there a time where they put this “fake” cheese in the products until people complained? If that cheese is fake in the first place, doesn’t that just make it… not cheese? I mean, do people sit there and go “ohhh good! this snack is made with REAL cheese! It just wouldn’t be good if it was not real cheese!” So a cheese puff made with fake cheese is just a… puff. I know what you’re saying, “but Jon, it says CHEESE puff. Its just fake  cheese!” No my friend, if you’re an alive person, but faking the being alive part, then you’re just either dead or a robot. Kraft’s company policy – “our cheese is made from REAL cows!”
  • Disney really knows how to mess with a guys head… they make you feel like a pedophile with all those great looking actresses with all those shows. Then almost always upon turning 18, some kind of racy photos come out of them or they turn into “too hot for TV”. So are we really wrong for thinking our dirty thoughts!? Seriously… they sooo softly and secretly flaunt there sexiness!
  • So I was cooking breakfast this morning and I noticed a spider died next to but nearly under the microwave on the side. It was standing upright and everything so I wondered if the small amount of radiation when used killed it quickly when it went under. I then wondered if I stuck its fangs in me if I would turn into spiderman… 😮
  • On the back of the Doritos Bag it says “Its the only snack bold enough to call itself Doritos”… well duh, no one wants to get sued 😮 You sure are full of yourself Frito-Lay… but I love you :-*
  • Growing up, my dad always told me to eat my veggies because “it will put hair on your chest!” But why is it I have twice as much hair on one side of my chest than the other!? Is it because I only ever ate HALF my veggies??? Either way, let this be a lesson to ya kiddies! Half your veggies = half a manly chest…
  • Is it bad when your cat has a better routine than you?
  • So I finished my breakfast of an egg and cheese w/bacon on toast this morning and found myself in a dilemma… I had a small scrap of toast left with a bit of egg still stuck well into the grooves. I always throw my scraps out to the birds, but the question was, do I scratch the bit of egg off first, or just throw it out altogether??? What would YOU do?
  • So I was making popcorn & thought “hmm, I’ll have some chips while I wait for it to finish” Then I realized how absolutely retarded I am having a snack b4 my snack!
  • I swear, “you cant have your cake and eat it too” is the worse expression ever… to me, eating your cake IS having it!
  • I have an honest question… if goldfish crackers were frowning instead of smiling, could you eat them with a clear conscious? Could ya???
  • I’m wondering why they have no scented candles like… cheeseburger… or roasted turkey, or even filet mignon! No really… people would eat that up!
  • So then he said to me… Whats better, a withholding fart or sex? So I told him… depends who the girl is. Sometimes nothing feels better than getting that one out…
  • Alpo (yes the dog food) looks, and smells DELICIOUS!!! No, really…
  • Now that Honey Bunches of Oats have their “Just Bunches!” I want all the chip companies to create “Just Folds” where the entire bag is nothing but those lovable random folds of layered chippy awesomeness! Too many are in a bag for it to coincidentally happen, I know they can PURPOSELY make it happen! So how bout it Lays? Wise? DORITOS!? Since your the only chip so called “bold enough to call yourself Doritos”… why don’t you prove it and try it out. Be bolder!
  • I have a new beef w/ saran wrap… I’ve shown well enough my personal vendetta against it & how I wish it to be destroyed by self strangulation. But whats worse than saran wrap? Saran wrap w/ static cling!!! What does static cling stick things to? PEOPLE! You might as well call it the roll of death. It wont stick to your tupperware yet if you happen to get some on your skin or god forbid your face it turns to superglue.
Advertisements

About Jon R.

Silly, serious & everything in between – that’s me in a nutshell. (Salty too… since I’m in a nutshell I might as well be suitably seasoned!) It’s apparent that I have a different way of thinking and seemingly have a talent for viewing things with a more independent perspective as well as an ability to perceive the objective nature of things more than most. Much like anyone else, I wish for the world to be more civilized and enjoyable for all. I’m full of ideas and love to improve things, and (un)fortunately the world has plenty wrong to offer. I’ve always been a problem solver and I love doing it. My endless ambition plus the urge to defend what’s right and bring reason has lead me to writing. With this I aspire to contribute some good to the world in order to help make it a better place. Regardless, all views are my opinion and not meant to offend anyone. While I seem to have the less popular point of view on things, I don’t represent any one side. I respect all sides and do my best to reflect on all fairly and within reason. I hope readers will find the content on this site interesting, and just maybe, will leave with a little more of an open mind.
This entry was posted in Everything Else and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Random Ramblings

  1. Pingback: Random Ramblings – The Sequel | Deviated Perception

  2. dbthehype says:

    I loved your random ramblings! Keep ’em coming, please 🙂

    • Jon R. says:

      So I just went back another 4 years through all my facebook statuses and found enough for another round or two of Random Ramblings 🙂 I know I said to you before it probably won’t happen since I thought I had no material but to my surprise, you’re in luck!

  3. Jon R. says:

    Wow, why the hell is the image so big on the reader!? I apologize for that, people.

  4. Sabina says:

    I love how you identified the “real cheese” situation because whenever I read labels and it says “cheese product” or something similar I think to myself, “You can’t trick me, cheese imposter!” 🙂

Comment Below!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s